In the middle of it all…

A gaze, a sigh, a burst of laughter, a body twist, one word, no word… aren’t they the most simple and authentic expressions of our inner complex worlds?

I find myself these days more trusting of these subtle hints when connecting to another soul. I wonder if this could also mean that I am slowly learning to be more present and less in my mind about everything…

It’s been a long time since I felt I had reached any meaningful understanding, worth sharing in a post (although the actual ‘worth’ resides in the reader’s perception). I felt the need to write on many occasions, but after several write-deletes, I realised nothing coherent would actually come out of it, so I stopped.

Although it doesn’t seem on the outside, it’s been such a full year internally! So many changes, new experiences, new friends, new crushes, a lot of growth and I’m still in the middle of it all. I am aware of some lessons here and there, but I haven’t yet distilled the whole experience. Maybe I’m not even supposed to… All I know now is that it’s quite intense and my emotional states are up and down. There are times I feel completely lost, voided of any source of excitement, and times when my heart is so full of love that I feel it might literally explode. I know how to deal with the first situation, but the second is a bit challenging. I would like for every single soul to feel that immense joy and love, but I know I am not supposed to force anyone into something they did not ask for. Sometimes, I am able to contain it, other times, I completely fail at it.

I did manage to accept the trial and error process and stopped blaming myself for being all over the place. If emotional wisdom is the destination, then I’m grateful for the journey. I just wish I am present enough for it.

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